Self Forgiveness

       As a child growing up in rural Alabama my parents had me in church every single time the doors opened.  I can remember knowing so much about the Bible, about God, and about His love for me. Then something happened, I don't know what, but I know my parents didn't go to church anymore and over the years I have forgotten what it was like to know that peace that I once knew. I want more than anything to know that peace again. So today my journey begins.
      Over the years I have done a lot of things I am not proud of, I will not go into a detailed list of those things, but there isn't a rule or commandment, (with the exception of murder, I haven't went that far) that I haven't broken. I am by no means a Saint but in every sense of the word a Sinner. I am fortunate enough to have family and friends that are forgiving, but with every mistake there will always be someone out there to remind you of your past. I have found there is no such thing as redemption in a small town, but in that same instance I do not need forgiveness from those that are continually dragging my name through the mud or talking about me behind my back. God put them behind me for a reason. My mistakes haunt me daily and I have asked several religious people "How do I forgive myself?  Their response has always been the same " Just ask God for His forgiveness."I know that when I ask for God's forgiveness that it is immediate and unconditional, but that is only half the battle. If you cannot forgive yourself then His forgiveness is hindered. So I have been researching scripture about forgiving yourself and I have found that the website www.greatbiblestudy.com has some AMAZING scripture on forgiveness. One statement on this website really hit home with me it stated, " If your sins are forgiven, then you need to  see yourself as separated from your sins...the enemy will try diligently to remind you of your past and continue to beat you up over sins that were supposed to be nailed to the cross." (greatbiblestudy.com)
This statement is so unbelievably true!!! Just when I think that I have moved past my past someone that doesn't even know me or someone that truly needs to grow up will bring up the past. Then the pain and shame of my past comes flooding back and once again I am back to where I started. I am learning not to respond to their immaturity and to just pray about the situation, for someone searching for faith this is very hard to do. I recommend that you read the following scriptures: 2 Corinthians 5:17, Revelations 1:5, Galations 2:16, 2:23-80, Isaiah 43:25, Luke 7:47, Romans 3:24, 5:1, 3:22, 4:3-8, 6:4, 8:1, 1 John 1:9, Psalms 103:12, Hebrews 9:14, 12:15, 1:3, 10:1-22, 4:16, 2 Peter 1:9, Colossians 3:13, and Matthew 18:23-25, 26:28.  I am not saying that your self forgiveness will be immediate, but I believe praying over it and reading these scriptures will help you on your way. We shall see how they help me also.